I hate to be vulgar (and by ‘hate’ I mean ‘love with a passion and practice every chance I get’) but everyone has shit in their lives. Some shit is situational and some shit is permanent. Some shit rains down spontaneously, without cause or provocation and sometime shit we jump into with both feet and our eyes wide open.
The situational shit will change and if you’re not willing to put in some effort to get the mess cleaned up, you need to sit down, shut the fuck up and quit whining about how bad it is. You’re stuck with the chronic shit and no amount of bitching and moaning will change it or get rid of it. All you can do is man-up and make your peace with it because fair or not, it’s part of your life.
We all get caught in shit storms and empathize with your confusion and disbelief when it happens. But we’ve all got shit to deal with too and can’t stand here holding your hand forever. People aren’t unsympathetic, but we all have to learn to clean up our own shit rather then trying to enlist others to do the work for us.
When you do a flying-cannonball into the poo pool other people are bound to get splashed. Insisting you slipped or were pushed when the people around you are splattered with the results of your actions is not only pathetic, it’s insulting. Anyone who’s done it (and there are plenty) will tell you it’s embarrassing to admit that you willingly dove into a pool of shit. But acknowledging you did it, admitting it was dumb and them jumping in the shower to clean that shit up so you can move on is a lot less embarrassing than continuing to wallow around in it trying to convince people it’s not your fault you’re still in there.
Newsflash: Shit stinks. All of it. It’s SHIT! Your shit might stink differently than someone elses shit, but it doesn’t stink any more or any less. It’s not a contest and you don’t win for having the worst stinking shit. Insisting that your shit is stinks worse than any shit that anyone else has ever dealt with doesn’t make the shit they’re dealing with suddenly smell like warm, fresh baked cookies. When someone is deep in the shit, trying to top them with your deeper-shit stories minimizes not only their shit but their ability to handle it.
The bottom line is that you need to clean up the shit you can as soon as you can, the more it piles up the harder it is to get rid of. If there’s shit you’re stuck with you need to find a way to deal with it rather than dwell on it; getting mad at it or continually questioning why it has to be there won’t make it go away. Don’t blame yourself for unavoidable shit, but take responsibility for the shit you caused and what you did to bring it on, because the more you understand about how you invite shit in the less likely you are to do it again.
That’s all I have to say about that shit. But if you think there’s shit I missed, shit you’d like to add or you just think I’m full of shit, feel free to comment.
Here’s some shit that I think is total shit. You’re in a public bathroom and shit taking a shit. Some shit head walks in and says “hey what’s going on,” and shit. Are you shitting me? Even people with shit for brains know you don’t talk shit with someone when they’re taking a shit!
No shit? Guys really do shit like that? That is some fuctup shit! Fortunately that’s a situation I’ll never face. I always considered the practice of moving one’s bowels uncouth and terribly primitive. It’s 21st century and with all the incredible advances we’ve made, people are still forced to lock themselves in a little room to commit this shameful act. If the current method of ridding one’s body of waste is the best way possible, we should all be proudly evacuating in the street like animals. So I decided that until a more efficient, socially acceptable practice is developed I refuse to participate in the practice and I had my anus removed in 2007. Being freed from that shame has not only done wonders for my self-esteem, I was able to convert my second bathroom into a walk-in closet!
Good for you! Freeing yourself from those anus shackles must’ve felt great. Plus, all that extra closet space! You’ve got it made now!
That shit is funny. Seriously.
Awww shit … thanks. Seriously.
You’re talking about me again, aren’t you?
Now what kind of stalker would I be if everything I posted wasn’t about you?
Did anyone give two shits? hehehe.
I use a Rum, rubbing alcohol colonic irrigation blend given to me by a wise old Native American. ( Calling them in’juns just highlights the fact that the schmuck sailors thought they had found a new route to India. …) So while the procedure hurts like hell the morning after it gets rid of the shit for a few hours.
Peace
&
No, don’t try it at home.
I couldn’t have said it better. I’m loving reading through your blog. Thanks for the entertainment